Choose Your Words Wisely
I'm sure you are likely interested in learning more about movement, how to eliminate your pains, and how to get stronger or more flexible. Unfortunately, learning more about movement doesn't always cut it. You have to actually execute the movements every day to see long-lasting results - THIS is the hard part.
Knowledge is nothing without action, and our lack of action is what prevents us from achieving our goals. One of the biggest roadblocks to action is your word choices. The way we communicate is one component of the program that I focus on heavily within the Private Whealth Community.
In this Whealth Wednesday, I will be focusing on our word choices. The words that you choose to describe your life, situation, pain, misfortune, happiness, etc., give us (and yourself) insight into how you are thinking and how you live.
The words we use, in a lot of ways, dictate our lives. Below is one of my favorite passages from the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu:
"Watch your thoughts,
For they become your words.
Watch your words,
For they become your actions.
Watch your actions,
For they become your habits.
Watch your habits,
For they become your character.
Watch your character,
For it becomes your destiny."
Thus, your thoughts become your destiny. In a way, this is how "manifesting" your future works.
I have trained thousands of people online, and most people speak about their pain, injuries, and life circumstances with limiting and negative language. The language they choose demonstrates that they lack confidence, feel lost, are scared, and that "everything is working against them."
Here are some of the words that I challenge our community to avoid when communicating about most things in life: Try, can't, hope, wish, will be, going to, without, pain, and but. Obviously, there are instances where these words are necessary for our typical day-to-day speech, but when talking about our plans, pains, circumstances, etc., pay attention to how and when you use these words.
Let's go into why these words can be problematic.
"Try" or "Trying"
Words like "Try" or "Trying" open you up for failure or to accept that failure without actually taking responsibility and/or learning from the situation. They imply that you are not making changes in the present but rather, later in the future. What do I hear when people say these words? "I am not willing to hold myself accountable for my life or my actions."
"Do or do not, there is no try." - Yoda
Here is an example from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear about avoiding using the word "try." Which of these lines sounds more profound in regards to a smoker that is quitting?
A) "No thanks, I'm trying to quit."
B) "No thanks, I'm not a smoker."
One of these options is rooted in action and accountability and will help you stay on track for making a lasting change. The other option is rooted in a lack of confidence in one's ability to control themselves. Making a simple switch in word usage can make you become more confident in yourself and help you achieve your goals.
Here's another example:
"I have been trying to walk each day to clear my mind and loosen up my achy joints."
"I am an avid walker. It makes me happy, and my body feels amazing."
Even if you only started walking 2 days ago, believing yourself to be an avid walker will help you stay the course.
Action: Pay attention to how often you say the word "try." You don't necessarily have to change your word usage; just take note of it. The following week, start eliminating that word from your speech. Commit to your goals.
"Can't"
This is one word that you should probably just eliminate from your vocabulary. Using "can't" immediately shuts you down from ever achieving your goals. Why would you want that?
"I can't do squats." What do you mean? You can't do them today? Tomorrow? Ever?
People often use "can't" when they lack confidence and feel defeated. This is understandable. Start working toward eliminating it and replacing it with the word "can" or "am."
"I am working toward doing squats by improving my ankle mobility, glute strength, and pelvic mobility." Be specific. It is always possible to work toward achieving something. It will only require some consistent work!
Action: How often are you using this word? We are all guilty of throwing it out there when we are upset, angry, and frustrated. At the end of this article, I will explain the word that best replaces it.
"Hoping" and "Wishing"
These are two words that allow you to NOT take responsibility for your actions or failures. You are leaving your fate in the hands of a higher power. When using these words, if something doesn't go your way, "well then it just wasn't meant to be," or "it wasn't in my control." You are right, many things in this world are not in our control, yet we can also take responsibility for the things that we can control - which is quite a lot!
"I wish my back pain would go away."
"I hope that I don't spend the rest of my life in pain."
Now, these statements are prevalent amongst the people who first join our program. People stop using these words rather quickly when they realize how much is actually in their control.
No, you can't turn your pain off with the flick of a switch. Still, the way you talk about your pain, the actions you take daily (movement, diet, and lifestyle) to change your body, and your education about how pain works can actually help you take control of your pain. In addition, there ARE things that you can do right now to reduce your pain, one of which is eliminating these words from your descriptions of pain.
Rather than saying, "I wish my back pain would go away," say, "I am working toward improving my situation."
Rather than saying, "I hope that I don't spend the rest of my life in pain," say, "Pain is inevitable, and it is my check engine light. So what am I learning from it?"
Notice that you can say whatever you want in place of those sentences as long as it is rooted in action right now. For example, we will talk about the word "am" soon.
Action: Pay attention to how often you use these words (or words like them) throughout your day. Are you taking responsibility for your actions?
"Will" or "Going To"
This one is simple. These two aren't rooted in action; they focus on the future. We can't control what happens in the future. But, we can control what happens right now.
"I will do that program," or "I was going to do that program," are obviously not happening right now. So you either do something NOW or make specific goals about when is the best time for you to take action.
Usually, people never use specific dates with these words. "Will" and "Going to" are entirely open to interpretation and open to NEVER GETTING DONE. "I will start exercising soon." Why? When? How? Where? With who? What exercises? "I am going to start doing start doing more squats" WHEN? How many? And most importantly, why?
Great, so you can't take action on something you want/need to do right now; that is fine. We are all busy, but make a specific goal about when you can do it. For example, "I am planning to do the Limitless program on October 14th at 9:00am in the morning on my own because my body and mind need it."
Specificity is critical when getting things done.
Action: How often do you put things off? Pay attention to how you "plan" to do something. Are you vague or specific?
Replace your "buts" with "ands"
The word "but" has its time and place. I have used it several times in this writing, but not when talking about my goals and aspirations. It is one of the most limiting words that I see people use when describing their lives.
"I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, but my back hurts." Using the word "but" to combine those two subjects links the two together even though they are unrelated. Now, the sentence basically says, "I can't climb Mt. Kilimanjaro because I have back pain."
When linking the two subjects together with the word "but," you are actually telling yourself to plan for or expect to have back pain when you do decide to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, even if your pain is gone!
Instead, use the word AND. For example, "I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, and my back hurts." This is a very subtle yet powerful distinction. Using the word "and" actually separates the two subjects and keeps them mutually independent of each other. On paper, this is a minimal change, but when it comes to your mind, you will find that by using the word "and" in your comparisons, you are freeing yourself from constraints in your own thought process.
Action: Mind your "buts" throughout your week. If you reread this section, I use the word "but" several times in numerous sentences, but I never use it when talking about actions that I need to take for myself or others. How often are you sticking your "but" out there?
"Without"
Similar to "but," I see the word "without" used to link two subjects together inevitably. "I want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro without back pain." This is again linking two mutually exclusive issues together. Switch it to the word "and" for the same reason as above. Your mind is powerful, don't link your back pain to your future plans.
Action: Don't use without when talking about two unrelated subjects. Separate the two in your mind. This will help you progress toward your goals.
"Pain"
I have primarily worked with people who have had pain over the last 9 years. People love to talk about it, and they love to hold on to it. In many instances, people try to "one-up" other people with how bad their pain is. It is often a competition between people with pain.
It is okay to talk about pain and essential to confront it. However, it is more important that you know how often you use it and what words (the ones I just talked about above) are being used around it. We want you to express what you are feeling, and we also want you to be mindful of how limiting your words can be.
It is okay to acknowledge your pain once in a while. However, if you constantly refer to your pain in your conversations with others, start limiting how often you use it. Instead, replace your sentences about pain with things that you can control or that you are grateful for in this moment.
Pain in itself is NOT a bad thing. It is a guide. Let it teach you what you need to learn.
Action: Talking about your pain is fine. Pay attention to HOW you talk about it and HOW MUCH you talk about it.
Use "I am"
You have probably been wondering what word to use in place of the ones above. Use "am." This word puts you in the present. It allows you to act NOW. We only live right now in the moment. Most of the words in this post are about DELAYING action. Start using "I am" in place of "try," "going to," "hope," and "wish." Also, be specific with your goals.
Rather than saying, "I wish my pain would go away, I have been trying so hard for so long," start saying, ""Through my continued daily effort, I am achieving my goals of doing Crossfit again." Wait, where was all the talk about pain and how hard it has been? It doesn't need to be said. We ALL have to work hard to make things happen. It is a part of life. Recognize that our daily actions pile on top of one another to become our ultimate goals. Start using the word "am" in your sentences and start taking action now. This is how we make the changes that we want to see.
"From now on, I am flossing 3 times a day."
"I am working toward climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro."
"This month, I am eating whole foods and not fast foods.
"I am going for a 30-minute walk every day after dinner to clear my mind and help digestion."
Action: Be present. Be actionable. Use "I am" in place of the words written above, and don't link two unrelated subjects together.
In Summary
Speaking of words, that was a lot of words. I hope that these concepts are helpful. As I wrote these words, I realized how "wishy-washy" this all sounds. Believe me, I am not a fan of "wishy-washy" stuff, and believe it or not, these concepts work. Start making a shift in your speech, and you will see some incredible results in a very short period of time.
It will take a little bit of work for you to prevent yourself from using limiting words, and once you get used to doing it, it becomes natural to use "am" and "and" in place of a lot of things you say. This kind of language forces you to live in the present, the only place you will ever actually live.
Until next time,
-Andrew at Whealth
