Unexpected Lessons of Fatherhood
I am incredibly grateful to be a "bonus dad" to two beautiful boys ages 6 and 9. I have been in their lives for about 3 and a half years and in that time I have learned what it means to love and be loved unconditionally. I have also learned that executing a successful dad joke each day is crucial to the survival of the human race. The opportunity to teach little humans everything that we know (hopefully the good things) is one of the coolest experiences of fatherhood. They have so many questions and, being the kind of person that knows far too many random facts, I gladly pass those random facts down to them.
Loving your kiddos is easy. It is a blast to play with them and watch them laugh, and the cuddles are seriously the best. There are endless positives that come with fatherhood, yet we cannot deny that having chickens (kids) comes with its challenges. Below I will be talking about some of the natural challenges (positive things!) that come with being a parent that has helped me be a better person. I am sure everyone reading this agrees that their children have changed them for the better.
They Emulate Your Behaviors
The surest way to figure out how you live, think, and communicate is to have two little parrots watching everything that you do and say. They will replicate all of the good AND the bad that you do in your life. When you look at them and see them say or do something that you like or dislike, chances are they are learning it from you.
For instance, Katie says to me, "I'll do it in one second," and of course, my only response to that is, "Okay, it's been a second." Well, this literal response is now the only thing that the boys reply with - and they have expanded on it! "Give me a minute," is now responded to with, "Alexa, set a timer for 1 minute." Damn. I try my best to no longer do this to people.
They also want to do whatever you are doing and eat whatever you are eating. I take this as an opportunity to show them how to care for their body by demonstrating fitness and exercise, eating healthy food and explaining why it is essential, and growing a garden. Katie and I display healthy communication about feelings and apologize to each other in front of them in the hopes that they too will understand the importance of communication between two people.
You have an opportunity and a duty to care for yourself so that your kids can see how to live their healthiest and best life.
Selflessness
Kids attempt to kill themselves on a repeated 5-minute timer. Educating, caring, and challenging them is one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. In a world where we are often thinking about our work struggles, COVID, financial issues, our health, etc., it is incredibly profound to set that aside and put your attention and focus on your innocent little kiddos. They help ground me and make me realize that my problems really aren't that bad in the grand scheme of things. They simplify the complex with the cutest and most eye-opening questions that make you realize that you try to over-complicate the problems in your head.
This same principle is applied in our community. Helping others overcome their own struggles (without looking for something in return) is the surest way to improve your happiness in life. It has been shown by people like Brené Brown and Tony Robbins that when you are unhappy in life, helping others in times of need results in happiness on both fronts.
There is nothing more satisfying than doing something for your kiddos and watching them light up with happiness.
Patience
"It's time to go to school! Put on your shoes." *15 minutes later we are in the car*
Patience is important for all aspects of life. When it comes to the kiddos running around you and avoiding nearly every request you have of them, you quickly learn that showing frustration, upset, or anger only worsens the situation. This is true of most problems in life. When you approach the kids with patience, love, humor, dorky faces and postures, empathy, and grace, they will listen much more easily, and things get done faster. This is also true of most situations in life.
When we are upset about something, struggling to complete a task, or wishing things were different, it is ALWAYS better to approach the situation with kindness, patience, love, and humor, regardless of how annoyed or angry we may be.
Our body is no different. If you are in pain, overweight, underweight, have a metabolic disease, or want to improve posture, you must recognize that "the process" to improving these things takes time. Your body often won't listen to you, and if you get angry with your body, it will only worsen the situation. Approach the growth and change of your body with positivity, patience, humor, and grace.
Time
"Oh, you were planning a quick trip to the store and back? Well, let me introduce you to a 20-minute tantrum."
Having kids adds time to daily tasks like you could never imagine. It is important to create realistic expectations about your time:
-How your day will look.
-How your meal prepping will go.
-How long you will work out.
If you are the kind of person who expects to make all of your meals for the family, complete 20 tasks for the day, and work out for 2 hours but can never achieve those things, you are constantly letting yourself down.
Shift your expectations so that you can achieve your daily tasks. When you are able to feel accomplished, you will also feel relaxed and satisfied… and your kids will notice and be more comfortable and happy as well! Your mood can depict their mood.
Do a 15-30 minute workout rather than 2 hours. Plan to eat the healthiest fast food that you can on days that you know are the busiest. Start cutting some things out of your day that you KNOW you will not complete. The result of not cramming your schedule will be profound for you and your little ones!
With all of that being said, Happy Father's Day. Reflect on the amazing ways you have become a more impactful human being due to the little chickens that run around you daily.
Until next time!
-Andrew from Whealth
